A Letter To the Woman Dating My Husband

Hey girl,

I know it’s late but there are some things on my heart I needed to say so that you don’t ever forget.

These things are as important as life and serious as death.

Do you remember a few weeks back when you were walking down the hall in those home-only yoga pants carrying a basket of laundry on one hip and dragging a basket of toys with the other hand?  You had your head down when turning the corner and almost ran into a handsome stranger coming down the hallway.

You barely looked at each other because he was late for work.

But…there was something familiar about this man.

After he left, you remembered where you met him sixteen years ago. He fell straight-up in love with you at first sight after four months of you giving him the back-and-forth because you had never met a gentleman before and you were nervous.   

It’s just that between work, dishes, three little humans you share and falling asleep on the couch sitting up at 8:00 every night …you’d both been on autopilot for awhile.

So you asked him on a date.

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And he was so grateful for you to set it up and take care of the details.  Because he gets busy with work sometimes and the whole weight of the world thing?

It’s heavy.

And even though the days of you two giggly begging the other one to hang up first are frequently interrupted by actual hanging up, there is something no one talks about much:

Dating the boyfriend you’re married to is pretty darn hot.

It’s harder because of complicated loan interests and those aforementioned small humans living with you…

But it’s so much better than those days of mixed tapes and Polo baths.

I just wanted to remind you of a few things that will help you keep strangers out of your home:

 

  • Marriage is not 50/50.  People say this and it’s baloney.  It’s because, by nature, humans are skewed on what their part of the 50 is.  Marriage is 100/100.  If you try 100% of the time, you can’t go wrong and it covers some human error.  Plus, mathematically speaking, there is some extra credit in there somewhere along the way (and you love extra credit).
  • Always take the initiative.  Always be the one that tries the hardest, that gives first, that pursues hardest…that loves the most. You married a person that will respond and reciprocate.  Living this sacrificially will be the way you both grow as humans (and also creates a peace-filled house).
  • Learn his language. Loving on your man the way you want to be loved is often frustrating.  It doesn’t mean you can’t send him that haiku you worked up and that he won’t appreciate it…but he is more naturally touched by your effort when you take the time to be thoughtful in the way you show your love.  (For the record, I haven’t been able to find a place that sells bacon bikinis to wash the car in.)
  • Pray for your partner. This one is sexy.  And it serves you, too.
  • Be a good forgiver.  Because you live with a human, this one may be the most important reminder of all.  Stacking up all the bricks of offense that happen daily will build a big, cold, crappy house.  Make sure you get this one down.
  • Never stop dating. Being married to your boyfriend is a whole lot of fun…and one of life’s biggest gifts.

 

Alright, sister.  That’s all for now.

Except one thing?

Get some new yoga pants.

 

Love,

Me

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36 COMMENTS

  1. Brenda | 6th Jan 15

    Oh the days of begging the other one to hang up first! It wasn’t, but it feels like decades ago. Ok, maybe it was nearly exactly two decades ago. ;). Thank you for this booster shot to marriage in the midst of parenting–this girl needed the pep-talk. Love you so and love your words and the way you craft them!!

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Yes…decades ago. But I’ve recently seen a picture of you two lovebirds kissing and if you can find time for that…we are all gonna be okay. I love you. I can’t even TELL you how you bless me every single day. God is so gracious to stick us in line for one little minute in Austin so that we could walk with each other forever. Talk this afternoon.

      • Brenda | 8th Jan 15

        I know. Austin at IF in line. Seriously! I can not get over the miracle of how He does what He does!

  2. Shelly Wildman | 6th Jan 15

    This coming June I will have been married to my college sweetheart for 30 years. Yikes! That seems like a long time, but it has flown. And I still need these reminders. Thanks, Melissa! xoxo

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      30 years!! How fun, Shelly! Even though marriage gets way better as we get way older 😉 we ALWAYS need the reminders. I have had you on my mind so much lately. I can’t wait to sit and catch up with your blog this weekend–you have been writing away! So thankful I got to meet you and now when I hear from you it’s like a big hug. Let’s sit together next year, too. Have an amazing day, Shelly Wildman (AWESOME last name).

  3. Kristie | 6th Jan 15

    Oh I laughed reading this…because I really needed to read this! Seriously, my husband sat me down last night and had a talk with me about everything you mentioned, so thank you for the encouragement. 🙂 I’m going to text him now and ask him out. 😉

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      And I laughed reading your comment…did you ask him out: Will you go with me?
      (You know sometimes I do that, too).
      I miss you! Talked to Alli today and reminiscing about IF. Let’s meet next year and take the year off for Local 😉 Or I will come to FL. Happy Dating, sister!

  4. Papa | 6th Jan 15

    Thanks for taking such good care of him. You not only got our son but me and Grammy also and we are so proud of and for you both and love you two as well as those little humans that have come into your house with you. Keep up the great balancing act, your doing great and remember we all love you all so much with all of our hearts. And, thanks for being such a wonderful part of our lives and especially Scotts.

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Listen. You guys just prepped this man for me. I am so thankful every single day for the parents you are to me. God’s gifts in my life. Thank YOU for making this sweet, handsome boy. I love you both so much. Thank you for these sweet words.

  5. Amy | 6th Jan 15

    I love this post so much! While my man and I are in the “no, you hang up” giggly phase, there’s a part of me that is so excited for the point when you HAVE to put in effort to keep up the romance, because life. That’s true love right there, love that is filled with intention.

    You guys are so cute! XOXO

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Amy! Yes…the giggly phase is fun and all-consuming and exciting. And you know what? I was just telling a friend that it really gets better and better (and sometimes harder) (and then better again). It’s sweet to work on it and you get to a real deep place that takes years and years of growing to get to. I loved reading your comment…giggly phase….you guys are so cute. Made me smile. Thank you for reading this.

  6. Holly | 6th Jan 15

    Hey, girl! I love this post – and you! One of my goals for 2015 is to date Mike. I won’t even admit to date him better – just date him! It’s crazy hard but SO worth it. Signing off to go plan us a date.right.now!!!

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      It is hard sometimes but as kids get older…it gets so much easier. We date more now than we ever have because Gavin is responsible and we can run out and eat. One advantage of our babies growing up 😉 I love you. Ready to catch up. Like…I will try and call in just a bit. I. Miss. You.

  7. Shelly | 6th Jan 15

    Love, love, love! I established Tuesday as date nights for us…hoping to do some fun stuff and not just the standard go to dinner. Love our way with words!

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      SO fun to have a regular (we need to get better about that). Seems I have a book full of fun ideas besides eating. I’ll see if I can find it and let you know…it’s fun to date…not so fun to have to think all the time 😉 And I saw a friend made a Date Jar w popsicle sticks and fun/cheap ideas…one way to jazz it up. Thank you for checking in…loved hearing from you!

  8. Belinda | 6th Jan 15

    Ok your post was awesome and I needed it
    But PaPa’s post made me cry.. 😎
    Awesome

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Ha. I loved reading this. I loved Papa’s post, too. I loved reading your comment. Now…how about coffee?????!??!?!?!? Hibernation is almost over. #brrrrrrrrrrr

  9. wynne | 7th Jan 15

    i love this! thanks for sharing.

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Thank you for your faithful encouragement. I love you, mama.

  10. Cara | 7th Jan 15

    awwwww…this is just precious. love you big time!

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Well, I love you big time. And miss you, too. Did I mention love? And miss? Let’s catch up?

  11. Nicole | 8th Jan 15

    Bacon bikini!!?!!? I would love to see that…wait, no, I would love to hear the neighbors complain that they saw that 😉
    #somethingscantbeunseen #swineonastring #rockitsista

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 8th Jan 15

      Please. Neighbors don’t complain about this bacon. #hashtagboss #killinit #letmeseethathogthathathathong

  12. Anita | 8th Jan 15

    Thks for the reminder!! We are about to celebrate our 22nd anniversary and we have tried this dating before and as our oldest two got older it was easier but we had a sweet surprise 3 years ago that turned our house upside down along with our “dating”!! Lol our oldest just got married, we have a daughter 17 and our sweet 3 yr old…..we have just recently decided we have to try harder to make more time for “us” again!!! Thks for the sweet encouragement

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 11th Jan 15

      Nothing like a newborn to put a cramp in your dating style! That is awesome! Yes…I was encouraging another mama of young ones that it gets so much easier as they get older. Sometimes those dates don’t ever leave the house…just have to wait until kids go to bed to talk a little, right?! (I’d say you have a babysitter but I understand 17 year olds have lives ;)) Thank YOU for your sweet encouragement today. I’m so happy to hear from you.

  13. kathy | 9th Jan 15

    I read this and thought, WOW, so true, so true. You never know how MUCH love you have for them until they are gone. I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to walk through. He was my rock, my safe place, my game changer. CHERISH the moments.

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 11th Jan 15

      Kathy. Thank you for these words. My heart…when I read them…I’m praying for you. Thank you for being brave to remind me.

  14. Elizabeth Anne May | 9th Jan 15

    Funny and spot on. Yeah, we have three little humans too. And we’ve been married 16 years, though we started dating 20 years ago…

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 11th Jan 15

      In the same rockin’ boat, then 😉 Marriage gets sweeter, doesn’t it? Not more perfecter…just sweeter 🙂 I’ve missed you, friend! When shall we run into one another again?!

  15. Donna Farmer | 10th Jan 15

    I was married 37 years and I lost the Love of my Life of colon cancer 10 yrs ago and some days I still can’t function, so hang on tight and enjoy every moment you can cause you never know when it will be your last day with them. Life still goes on, with my one child and one grandchild but it’s very lonely life, and you will never know how it is until you lose them.

    • Donna Farmer | 10th Jan 15

      The comment below was suppose to say I was married 37 yrs instead of 87.

      • melissablair09@gmail.com | 11th Jan 15

        Donna, it’s hard and it’s sweet to read your words. Hard…because the loss and the ache. Sweet in another way because it’s so very brave for you to take time to remind another in your pain. I will…because you told me to and because I don’t know how long we have. Thank you for your gift today.

    • Melissa Smith | 12th Jan 15

      Just lost my high school sweetheart and husband of 32 years on January 6, 2015. I am devastated and would love to talk to someone who has gone through this.

      • Julie glover | 12th Jan 15

        Prayers for u.

  16. Raina Yarroch | 11th Jan 15

    I tell our 4 children, age 14, 12, 10, and 8 that if we don’t date now, when they are 18 and gone, we will be divorced! Married 16 years this December and LOVING it!!

    • melissablair09@gmail.com | 23rd Jan 15

      Raina, it’s so true, isn’t it!?! We can’t wait that long. You are setting a wonderfully disgusting example (we always talk about kissing and dancing and make the kids squirm and they say it’s disgusting but they love it). Thank you for sharing. Happy dating!

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