A Letter: To the Next Generation…on pornography


Hey you,

I know when adults sit you down it’s all like one of three things you can’t stop thinking about:
1. I already know this stuff.
2. How is she still talking?
3. She has pepper in her teeth.
But if you’ll give me just five of your minutes and listen to what I need to tell you, I promise this will change your whole life.
Let’s talk about pornography.
I know. Ew. Right?
But you’re old enough to type words and there are things you need to know besides ew.
Parents sure can be a drag with all that wompwomping about whatever, can’t they?
Sometimes we’re just cranky and still trying to figure out things ourselves. But sometimes? You can bet your whole iPhone we know what we’re talking about.
Remember when you were trying out your new legs and wobbling around like a little drunk monkey? You got some independence, found new ways to explore. One day you found a curious square socket thing on the wall holding you up and you tried to stick your chubby little finger in the hole just because it was there.
Your mom went crazy-nutso trying to protect you and you were all like, ‘Dang, woman. What’s the big deal?’
And you threw that fit because she told you no.
You kept trying it because your brain was mushy and maybe one day it bit the fire out of you and you never forgot it. And if that didn’t happen, I bet you’ve seen enough evidence that you wouldn’t put your finger in the socket right now.
This world is different from the one your parents and I had growing up. We only had what was in front of our face and we didn’t have what was not in it. This one is different in the way that you have this world in front of your face in a socket-sized computer at all times.
And this one is aggressive.
The world is the biggest responsibility you could ever ask someone to carry and I know many adults who don’t handle themselves with it.
In all the ways, we are asking you to be braver than any of us have ever been.
And we believe in you so much and we think you are going to rise up and be something that takes the world’s breath away in a way that hasn’t been done before.
I mean that.
But you have to stay at the wheel.
And I’m here to show you how to drive.
I made you a little list of reasons not to put your fingers in the socket, okay?

*There is no ‘if’ to pornography anymore. You will have to decide what happens when you are confronted with it. It sounds crazy and scary and like a lot of trouble, but your adults want to walk through this with you. But first? You get to decide what to do in the first place. Know your answer now? Know your answer now.
*This has the capacity to devastate your family. I know it’s hard to think that far down the line when all you’re looking for is Netflix. It’s fine. You will just have to believe me when I tell you I personally know of couples who have divorced because one of them has a pornography addiction that started at your age. Did you hear that? It separates families. And I also know many couples that work through it with good counsel and support. Did you hear that, too? It takes hard, hard work to come back from it.
*Pornography is like a drug. Your brain actually changes shape when you watch pornography. Even just one time. You know what, Kiddo? So does your heart.
*Only monsters and mold grow in the dark. The thing about monsters/habits/secrets is they usually start small. But something about the darkness makes them grow until one day they take you down and swallow you whole. They always do. Even if you created it, you’re never in control. If you have to go in the dark to do it, it’s got you by the throat. So stay in the light, friend.
Everything exposed by the light is made clear (Ephesians 5:13)
*Someone needs you to say no. My son goes to junior high school where cuss words are substituted for the word ‘the’ and can be creatively used as verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. He has made the choice to use words in the regular ways and also is bold enough to ask his friends, ‘Hey man. Why do you talk like that?’ We’ve seen the rising up to a bar held steady when his friends begin to control their tongues in different ways and even apologize for cussing around him. We’ve also seen him rise in ways that others hold up. Be a good human: people are watching and need your courage.
*This is never a private thing. You’re not alone even if you think you might be. You will be bringing all of everything you choose to view to the partner you will love in your life.
*You’re never not loved. There’s a person who has seen pornography and another who hasn’t. The thing these two have in common is the only common that binds us all:
We are ever and always only loved by Love Himself. (1 John 4:19).

I know this was a lot of words in your ears.
I’m sorrynotsorry.
I’m crazy Mama Bear and I love you something fierce.
Now for Pete’s sake, get out of here and go light the fire for a beautiful culture of purity or ride your bike or something.
Mrs. Blair


PPS Parents, guardians, adults in charge… Pornography has touched my family and my heart melted hotter than flames and I wrote the articles below and I’ll speak out every year because of it. Need more information? Just let me know.
Click links below for more information:
This Means War: A Mad Mama’s Thoughts on Pornography
How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography

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  1. Loren Bless | 7th Nov 16

    Love this! So very important to teach our children. All of the power in the world is at their fingertips now. Technology can be great and so very devistating.

    • Melissa Blair | 8th Nov 16

      Thank you, Loren Bless <3 You're exactly right: it is a two-edged sword. BUT we get to teach them how to use it. Love seeing you with your sweet babies, girl. Happy looks good on you. AND I really loved hearing from you today. Thank you.

  2. Katie | 7th Nov 16

    Such a good reminder. The internet is available 24/7 to show them what ever. We parent restrict, all devices and check the history. I even canceled Hulu because of the shows they advertise. I can’t block certain genres or make a kids page. And some general public attire, especially on game day, has their little eyes darting like a cat after a bouncy string. It has opened conversations of how to honor your body. All that to say, temptations are certain and fails are likely for all our kids. It is most definitely an ongoing conversation in our home.

    • Melissa Blair | 8th Nov 16

      ‘Eyes darting like a cat after a bouncy string’. Are you a closet writer? 😉 We have always been conservatively guarded about all the technological things…as they get older, I see how they process the weird commercials or a scene/word in a movie we didn’t know was coming. And I find these conversations while they are still under my roof about why and how this is what we line up with equips them to make their own good decisions because we can’t be there 24/7 (nor do we want to be because we would like them to adult one day, right?!). You said it: ongoing conversation. You’re doing it, Mama. Keep going.
      Love hearing from you, Katie. Thank you.

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