What Women Really Find Sexy in Marriage


(The first in a series of four posts on family.)

After more than a few years of married people watching each other floss, the flushed-cheeked rush and beautiful mystery of cat-and-mouse flirting may appear to lose the luster of the mixed tapes and couples-only skates of yore.
I say ‘appear to lose its shiny’ because under the surface of things? The young and in love have no idea that old love has always been the new hot.
But it’s just a plain fact that there are moments when the heat ebbs from marriage like the coffee left on the dryer that is never found again until well after noon. This order of things is necessary because it’s inappropriate to make out at your son’s little league games and also a natural byproduct of serious mortgage and zero mystery left surrounding any possible combination of biological functions.
Men may get confused when a slap on the bottom while she has both arms full of dirty laundry on the way to wash doesn’t excite her like he thought it used to.
Where is that spark in her eye that once matched the braces on her teeth? Why don’t we still giggle and beg the other to hang up first when we call the office to ask if he’ll bring home a RID Lice kit because baby girl borrowed her friend’s hair brush at school?
The kindling of romance sometimes hiss and flickers out under the sideways rains of life.
When the wheels of a day start coming off?
The Mama just needs to know you got that jack thingy, the spare, and you care about knowing what to do. If she’s left on the side of the road trying to change that thing in the rain? (and she can do it herself you better believe that fully well…)
She might get a headache and go to bed while you’re still watching Jimmy Fallon.
Women feel safe and secure when they know their men have their back.
For women, safety and security come in first on the sexy scale…ranking even higher than Dad on kid bath duty.
Since I’ve been a woman for as long as I can remember and I talk to women a mind-blowing number of times a day…I know a little about the things our men do that make our hearts all school-girl giggly and threaten a full-on swoon.
Are you ready to heat that coffee up?

Ask her how you may pray for her. Whisper it in her ear, send it by text or write in the sand at the beach with a stick. Her knowing that you care about that tangly stuff in her heart and carrying that to Jesus? It’s twofold. 1) It creates an awareness and compassion in you and praying about it will help you see her through Jesus’ eyes and allow you to love and lead her better. 2) She will ask you the same thing, which does the same thing for her with you and the heat when this happens is enough to melt the wax off of those dusty candles around the house that she never lights.
Also? It’s just plain attractive. (So really it’s threefold and everyone is winning.) There is nothing on this earth more beautiful than a woman who feels known and loved by the man she gave the largest part of her heart to.
Just let her catch you reading your Bible. I think if guys really knew how excited women feel about their men going straight to the source of Truth for their lives and the leading of their family….I’m just saying there could be a population explosion.
Lead your family spiritually. We all get it: men are naturally tired and women are naturally bossy. It’s the struggle. Not fighting against these tendencies and just doing our hard-wired things will eventually take a drifting marriage boat and bang it up against the rocks. Fighting against these tendencies some days feels a lot like dying for each of us. That’s because it is. But when we lay down our lives for each other in marriage? It’s exactly like heaven on earth (Ephesians 5:25-33).

Just two words of caution?
Women can’t not respond to their men taking care of them in this strong and beautiful way.
I cannot be responsible for what happens if you read the Bible to her.

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  1. Mo Isom Aiken | 8th Mar 16

    I just love it all. Everything you write. Keep writing, friend. You make me laugh and smile and think and pray. Your words are good to my heart.

  2. Allison Phillips | 8th Mar 16

    This is SO. True. A friend and I were having this exact conversation today but it wasn’t quite this well worded or hysterical??

  3. Brenda | 9th Mar 16

    “because it’s inappropriate to make out at your son’s little league games” …I did not realize this. I guess Reid and I should stop doing this on the soccer sidelines?

    I love this. ALL of it! Can not wait for part 2. This is your wheel-house, friend!!

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